The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
