so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
