i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
