Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
