Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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