Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
