how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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