Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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