How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
