I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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