i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
