My liver just broke up with me...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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