Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
