wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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