I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
