i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
