Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
