it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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