Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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