she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
