Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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