I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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