It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
