weddingsv make me drug and hornr
one two three fourrrrnication!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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