kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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