I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
