I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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