If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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