Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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