Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
