You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
