well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
