Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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