So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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