I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
