You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
