Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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