On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
