I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
