I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
