He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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