I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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