Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
