therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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