Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
