She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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