I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she pinky promised me she was 18
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
