I need help removing her.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
