hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
