If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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