She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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