Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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