No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
