I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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