im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
