I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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