i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
