I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
