saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
