dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
