so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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