why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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