My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
