The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
