the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
