Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
