her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
