And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
