I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
